dear all!
ive shifted hahaha.
ask me for de addy ok!
all bpgcians should be able to get it from philippi :D
heee. :)
leave me msgs as and when! <3

why does my head hurt everything i sit down to do work?
hmmm. this sounds suspiciously... a conspiracy by my body.
lol.
congrats liang fa! you've been baptised... finally!
wahahhaha.
today after service, went to BK for breakfast with eunice and edna!
yays... it made me realise how very much i MISSED BK breakfast!!!
i lovelovelove their food :D hahaha.

hmmm. i hope our cell group will be able to grow!
OY EVERYONE! be more mature can anot? hahahaha.
class is a crazy affair every week.. poor pastor :P:P

did some shooting today...
its my fault i lost the tripod base ARGH. :X
so mr tan was quite angry but ya. not convenient to say it cos he's at my house heh.
oh wells...

sleeping in aircon rooms
make you prone to leaky faucet syndrome
i wasted 1 box of tissue today, probably killed (at least) a tree.

i have an urge to do something crazy
and this is not a good sign
the last time i had tt urge... haha.
i told val... and i think its cos im sian/stressed.
lol... and i hung out w ken in the wee hours of daytime.

The Fray songs have been keeping me immensely happy recently :D

heh. in 3 days...
i'll be saying goodbye to this space that had housed all my secrets
my rants and tears and euphoria
and maybe in time i'll revisit
be intoxicated with nostalgia and snapshots of the past

why am i shifting?
i guess i need to lay down the emotional baggage ive been carrying
close a chapter of life and start yet another elsewhere
ive decided to come out more, be cheerful
instead of a perpetual shroud of moodiness here heh.

the last post here will come on 31st as i update all relevant (and maybe new) people the new addy! hehehe. its under construction :P


oh and today
sua told me " alice said i reminded her of you since last year."
lol, im pretty amazed. tts why we're twins! hahaha. uncannily similar?
I.HOPE.NOT. :P

heylo all!
been MIA a lil bit heee.
i really am shifting this time round. will update all about the new place :D
THANKS LOADS TO EUNICE!!! *MUACKS*

today i mugged with clara, and had fun in/ard sch :D
im loving my class more and more, i feel. heh.

Thank you Lord, for so many blessings in my life.
i hope xinhui feels better in time! LOVE YOU GIRL!

im keeping up with class work! which is good heh.
i really need to start revising... all the amt to cover is really scary!
and im still trying to clear tutorials as more come in.
its a race against time heh. but at least ive no more backlog :D:D
FINALLY. lol. Thank God =)

The Paradoxical Commandments
1. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

2. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

3. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

4. The good you do today, will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

5. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

6. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

7. People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

8. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

9. People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

10. Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

Kent M. Keith

credits to KH! i find these really meaningful guiding principles of life, and ive one to add on.

Walking closely and trusting in the Lord will bring many more struggles and hardship in life. Yet, trust Him anyway and dont fall away. =)

i didnt realise how much i missed yewtong
until i talked to him again today
its been about 2 years plus...

today i was largely a happy girl! am trying to keep a positive outlook!
and thus i think im shifting soon hahaha.
EUNICE! i need help w blogskins im noob at it :P

thank God today, for small lil mercies and unexpected surprises that made my day! :D

thank you really, for making my day julian :)
thanks for popping by with a gift for me... it really means alot when things get so crappy.
and it doesnt help i havent been seeing much of val.
VAL! I MISS YOU!!!
and xuan. ahhhhhhh. why u didnt come over today... i so badly wished to talk face to face with you, properly.
come by next week ok! i love u so much sis :) you're always there for me.
pls rmb im ard for u whenever also, ok? :D

i kinda understands what you mean by mutual feeding off each other. i guess our negativity just kinds of bounces around? heh. its the umpteenth time you brought me down i guess...BUT.
but im determined to break out of this vicious cycle. Oh Lord Jesus! help me not be brought down and depressed by certain few people around me, but let me learn to be strong and give them encouragement and support instead to lift them up!
jus a short prayer like that already makes me feel better. God is faithful!

dear Geok, im sorry i couldnt catch you before class today.
thanks for being so serious in your evaluation... i really have lots to learn from you. but hey, im always ard (in the evenings and at night!) haha.
i'll be ard to listen and pray, so give me your requests ok!
continue to run the race, and keep the faith. God Bless dearie =) lotsa love! <3333

hmmm. i cant pretend that you matter the same way you used to last time, months ago. i cant pretend i still care as much, bother as much to look over there. i dont know how you feel, what you think about this, i just hope you'd come to a conclusion soon, because this cant go on forever.

ok, on a lighter note! haha. yest was fabulous!
mr quek and ms neo treated Fac Com 05-06 to MARCHE!!!! woots! we spent like , 250 bucks there... 11 pple. and it was totally great/awesome food. calamari, crayfish grilled, tiger prawns pasta w scallops, mushrooms ragout w mashed potatos, seafood pizza, bread&butter pudding, waffle icecream, the comfort food Rosti...
and this is just to name SOME ahahahha.
we had great drinks too, a pity there's no cocktail cos i really wanted bailey's irish =( hahaha. but oh well. de guys got some mild alcoholic stuff, which gareth was de only one to get high on :P seriously, 4% is nothing heh.
but thanks loads to ms neo and mr quek! we had a great time :D

speaking of booze, de ones at joce's bday party are really good!
rose champagne i think, 12% :) i took 1 full glass, but the guys didnt except for mett, 1 sip haahha.
but aiya, take in moderation's fine :P
it was really fun! hawaiian theme and all hahahaha. :D thanks guys! for 'donating' 50 bucks of robinsons' to me! :D
i'll get u all smth w tt :)

did shooting today! was productive, so happy :D but more challenges lie ahead! :D
must jiayou hahaha.

thankyou julian, jolyne, shawna for last min wishes! plus many others along de way :P
i have backup on wad to wear to joce's :P
so shall see how! hehehe.
went far east yest to waste time lol. but at least have some stuff in mind! :)

its been quite a gd week!
but today, got mild concussion cos janice hit my head w badminton racket...
accident of cos.
but so happened i had my hairband on, and it cut my scalp, leaving peforated coagulations of blood. but im ok now haha. just had a painful head for today :P
thanks dora for ur concern, thanks sua for makign sure i didnt collapse along the way home lol.

hahaha. THANKS TO ALL WHO MADE MY BDAY SPECIAL THIS YEAR!!!! :D

friday, val/hoonie/nehz gave me a chic denim skirt! :D
sat, yayan spent de day w me at nydc and went to cut hair, and took neoprints! :D
sunday, dinner w parents at SAKAE!!! <3
monday, clara dear gave me a notebook and funky earrings! and a pretty cup of sand :P

TUESDAY!!!!
woke up to msgs. happy bday ms tengara and lian jie! :D
a BIG thank you to nicole, ken, joce, yidan, chunkai, zuohou, donavan, alvin for wishing me!
i was (still am) so touched by frens of my past who still rmb! -shuying, wanjun, YINKAE! HOONIE/SHUUY/CHRYZ/PEIPEI!!!! <3333333333333333
my NY choir 'family' - CHERIE!!! , VAL!!! (WHO GAVE ME A CUTE CARD!), LIGENG!!! (OMG I SAW HER AT CREAMERY!)
churchmates: leong, zhiwei, geok, suying, alvin, PIGGIES! edna, eunice!

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH:
jan, yutian, xiu for the black tube -.- ahahaha! and wonderful pencilcase! yutian! thanks loads for teh touching msg!
ade & yayan for the earrings/hair ties and pretty card! :D
ADORA AND EMMETT for the book! you've officially ruined my study plans! :P
NIC! for the cute coloured book!
OMG NAGA! for teh kangaroo body scrub mannnn you rawk!
sweeeetttt CAT! for teh keychain from Coach!
my TWINNIE! SUA!!! :D
thanks for keeping me company at creamery for the whole evening lol, and for the necklace and SUPER late note(s). i shall forgive u for not giving me one at farewell :P had a good talk, bumped into ligeng (not ligand) and kai! ahahhaah :D

i did smth v meaningful to me today.
cos i turn 18 on 18th (once a lifetime ok!!!)
and sch had blood donation drive today. and 18's de age where u dont need parental consent!
so i went, was de only one in my class.
and it gives really satisfaction to donate blood! even though its scary hahaah.
de nurses ended up singing bday song for me after seeing my ic :P
nice way to a bday, i think? hahaha. :D

thank you Lord, for a more mellow, but meaningful as always, birthday!

whhheeeeeeee!!!
it was a good friday and saturday for me! :D
1st of all,
presents have started coming in, can you believe it?! hahaha.
thanks everyone who's making it special for me this year.
im so glad to have my sec sch frens remember!
friday had scholarship day! walked ard, asked qns, got confused/lost. heh.
sat at the busstop for more than half an hour just talking, watching seven 74 buses zoom by. haha.;)

thank you VAL, PEIYI, HOONIE! :D:D
for the wonderful denim skirt that is an amazing fit! hahaha.
went to try out :D thanks! and for the wonderful card too hehehe!!! *muacks*!

saturday!!!!
had an amazing time with yayan hahaha.
we went to NYDC for lunch, got bloated with the set lunch and gorgeous baked rice! =)
oh and fabulous CALORIED FORTIFIED mudpie :D
den she went w me to cut hair! haha. ok trim.
went to far east's hair profile :D:D and got myself a diff style hahaha.
den we went to take neoprints cos we were so excited!
after that went to church,
and guess what?

PPLE CANT RECOGNISE ME!
O.o alvin was like, " you watched like shaoning, sang like shaoning, but doesnt look like shaoning". LOL!!!
STUPID EUNICE! im NOT a pooooodle -.- or we'd all be in the dog family and you wont want the name starting with B :P:P babe is better than dat word hahahaha! jus kidding :P

AHHHHH. XINHUI YOUR PRESENT's ARRIVED IN THE MAIL!!! my dad asked me to open mailbox, and i yelled from the letterboxes hehehhe :D you made me so happy! and its a v funky footy thing :D hahahah. thanks dearie im so touched. =D
love airmailed from aussie! hehehe!
Thank God for a wonderful day!

i have decided that,
if you're not gonna be bothered bout me, i wont about you, either.
i have accepted that people change, including me.

how ironic, that she once said,
yes we're good friends, but we dont fight enough to be best friends.
and today im telling you,
we could have been best friends, but we fought too much, fell out too much to even be good friends.

i guess i cant believe that all you'd do is apologise for never being around.
initiative towards others say alot, then.
oh well, whatever. :)

sometime back, ella mentioned casually that i should go watch Gattaca, cos its really good. finished it today, and i want to watch it again, perhaps get the dvd.
im so drawned, while simultaneously repelled by it, and the presentation of an elite class of beings dominating over the rest.
was fascinated, by how much the human spirit can overpower physical limitations, and the lurking desires of craving perfection, banished into awkward silence.

tension of opposites.

jerome fascinated me to no end, as did vincent to a lesser degree.
jerome. he had all he ever wanted, yet dissatisfied for settling for seconds. how is it, that one deemed genetically perfect should have a weak spirit?
and how much he lived his dreams thru vincent. the destruction of one gave hope to the other. its very interesting.
i cried when he flamed up in broken dreams.
i know God made me this way for a reason, but i crave to be someone better than this, and i know alot of it stems from my own pride and arrogance to want to do well, stand out.
and thus despite all the imperfections, i thank God im this way, so that i continue to trust him. i need him because im not perfect.

i need really,to work hard. my art tutor told me i have 5 weeks to submission.
please everyone, pray for me tt i'd be disciplined! :)

i didnt see it coming, really. the sudden breaking down after the econs mcq and gp were returned.
ms neo said not to be too hard on myself. but i KNOW what im capable of, and stupid mistakes irk me to no end.
i was pissed off, quite a bit today. but seeing val ard always makes me happy :)

the visits to NUS archi and ID sch, and to The Shooting Gallery/wishing well were really gd.
but the latter was far more interesting of cos :P
thanks ms kee for all the trouble arranging these for us!

i dont know, but i guess im not much affected anymore. appearances that are unexpected, and disappointing disappearances.
which is gd for one of us, perhaps.

birthday's coming... and i was actually reflecting on what i really want.
i dont know, im having increasing trouble trying to tell people what i want,
because in fact what i want are intangibles.
perhaps ive morphed into a feel-good junkie, but
give me a hug, a smile
give me your time, to hang out somewhere, do something together
give me updates on your life, so we can still stay close friends even while being in diff classes, diff schs.
give me memories, they last longer than the material stuff i have.
and this is what my heart blurted out, in a caustic moment without regards for people ard me.

its not tt i dont treasure gifts, i do still. they're love( or so i would want to think) in concrete form? lol. :P

i have alot to thank God for today!
1st thing to sch, shuuy brought over Chryz's muffin!
its so good heh. thanks chryz dear for being so sweet =)

then, i got back my math paper.
a C - 63. not too gd, but Thank God still tt i kept my standard.
hope to improve! i left 20 plus marks blank, so ya. need better time management in future!

watched Gattaca today, didnt finish but it left me with lots of thoughts!
i find it scary how i am drawn to it, and not repelled.

xinhui made me happy!!! and so did adora, in lil ways.
which kinda offset sua making me down. but nvm about tt lol.

made a decision today, maybe it'd benefit me, maybe i'll get hurt, but who knows whether changes are gd or not? until you look at them in hindsight :)
shall walk closely w God :)

i was quite upset yest, tt i wont be able to catch 3rd-4th placing.
but THANK YOU KENNNNN!!!!!
for coming over my place to walk me over to beauty world macs
and watching football w me! ahahhahaha. :D
it was truly memorable, lol. to leave house at 1.30AM in the morning hahaha
sneaking out is quite fun actually :P
YAY germans won! and i got my name splashed across the screen a few times ahhaha. :P
yay thank God for a gd time :D

tonight: GO ITALY!

my neighbour's lil son is so cute!
i was walking home, nearing de gate.
he was at de playgrd and the dad was walking in front of me.
and the lil 3 yr old indian toddler w curly hair rushed forward to hug his daddy
and the daddy pretended he had no hands to hug him back and gave him a funny face.
and he just grabbed his dad anyway. so cute!!!

hmmm.had half day today, but wished i didnt.
half days are so sian, cant really do much ( and consequently end up not doing much either)
we (choir ppl) went to pizza hut, talked crap and had lunch, and val went ecstatic :P
hahaha. congrats weida :D

ok i need to buck up on work. im sooo behind time urgh.
have endless tutorials and art coursework, dont even talk about revising.
okie doks, tata!

2 consecutive nights up watching soccer.
France went in, as i hoped :D:D but i know italy will win! hahaha.
and val and i will get out swensens' treat from qu kui :P
lols! i lovelovelove zidane he's so cute when he sticks out his tongue!!!

i cant pretend that every lil thing you do doesnt affect me
because im so acutely aware of everything, its hard for me to miss out the nuances in your thoughts, movement, expressions.
and i know it hits you like it hits me.
because somehow its a reflecting mirage on both sides.
you say you dont get me, but the converse is true... so lets break out of this vicious cycle.

yes indeed, half gone's worse than being fully ard. but i dont think it'd beat a complete walkaway? hurhur. but tts just how i see it. and you know, i hope/think you know, tt its not what i/we want right?
if not, such a pity to have such close friends, only to lose them at the end.

btw. rooney looks alot like teletubby PO! ask me and i'll show u evidence :P

YES ITALY!!! :D
i know loads of pple out there are mourning.
yea, pity for the germans, but well. may the best team win! :)
GO FFFRRRAANNCCCCEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GO ZIDANE :D

so tell me, what more isit that you want me to do.
cos i really dont know,
somewhere, somehow along this path we ran down
you, or maybe its me, have changed.
and i dont know why im still desperately trying to salvage the remnants
maybe im jus not the type
to sweep cobwebs beneath the dampened crevices...

i love jacky cheung's songs. really, i do.
personal fav tt i end up in tears after hearing, because it reminded me of so many people, and still relevant to so many.

祝福

不要问 不要说 一切尽在不言中
这一刻偎著烛光让我们静静的渡过
莫挥手 莫回头 当我唱起这首歌
怕只怕泪水轻轻的滑落
愿心中永远留著我的笑容
伴你走过每一个舂夏秋冬

几许愁 几许忧 人生难免苦与痛
失去过才能真正懂得去珍惜和拥有
情难舍 人难留 今朝一别各西东
冷和热点点滴滴在心头
愿心中永远留著我的笑容
伴你走过每一个春夏秋冬

伤离别 离别虽然在眼前
说再见 再见不会太遥远
若有缘 有缘就能期待明天
你和我重逢在灿烂的季节

不要问 不要说 一切尽在不言中
这一刻偎著烛光让我们静静的渡过
莫挥手 莫回头 当我唱起这首歌
愿心中留著笑容
伴你渡过每个春夏秋冬

i was about, just about to start my rambling,
but i read someone's blog first before coming here, and it helped, ever so much.
some self reflection helps, how we fall and pick ourselves up again.
how sometimes we just dont learn, and the heart goes thru the same ruts of pain twice, or more.
but yes indeed, we have a choice, to wallow in it, be upset and shed lonely tears,
or we can stand up bravely to put all these behind us (try).
i know its not easy, but God's been giving me so many wonderful people,
His beautiful word, and the presence of others to remind me
how there's something much better waiting for me, out there, even if im in the bleakest point of my life recently and constantly dragged down into that black hole.
Thank you lord, that you're always there for me.

i read thru 1st Corinthians at one sitting today, simply because my heart needed wisdom, His words of wisdom.
and yet again i was painfully aware of how little i comprehended of what is written, and how i long to know.
can someone explain the first few, and last few chapters to me?
or in fact, everything, because i understand it surfacially, but i feel there's so much meaning beneath that i cannot grasp with my limited understanding.
oh Lord, grant me knowledge of Your word.
yet having said so, it was a great comfort and joy to me.

its been a great day today, on hindsight :D
i went to gramps' house to take pics of my lil cousins, getting them to help me with drawing pics for my art,
i drew a sketch of my lil cousin drawing :D
and grandma cooked a great lunch, as she always do haha.
den i watched initial D (edison!!! <3333)
lol. after tt i went down to sean's place.
i was really upset because the bus 965 took 40 mins to come
it took all my strength not to curse and swear when every bus came by AT LEAST TWICE.
but Thank God i kept a rein on my thoughts, and tongue.

i was quite sick yest, so yup. i slept 14 hours and am better now :D

and you, im sorry tt i couldnt put away my pride to contact you, to ask how you are.
partly because i dont want to come across wrongly, and i dont want to annoy/disturb, which i perpetually feel like its what i am doing.
besides, you've always given empty promises that i foolishly bought, yet again.
and well, its harder than it seems, especially when i dont always say wads on my mind, and so im sorry, that i succumbed to my weakness and withdrew into my shell. we're just strangers on the same ferris wheel ride, i doubt we'll ever meet. and this is to you, whom unless i know otherwise, will never get to read this, and never get to know.

NY funfair was such a great event! hahaah.
not so much the endless food stalls and getting grimy in the sweltering heat
but the company, the seeing pple once more
i met so many others!
seniors like qui jun, my peers who went to faraway lands and came back (ALINA CAME IN WEARING A SKIRT! ok, skirt-like shorts but still)
and met wonderful GEPPERS whom i havent seen for ages like yingxiang, my dear (real) twin suanne.(omg i just realised the name... -.-") haha. and we wished each other happy advance bday :D
i met shuying and yuting! haha. and saw xiu and jan ard.
saw sua' brother also, w his high sch council gang. hurhur.
i met seb! hahaa. early in de morn before eleven :D
many lil juniors who called out and asked me to buy stuff jus cos im their choir senior hahah. :P

btw, i saw naga's sis shanti! haaha. look super alike :P and i spent 10 bucks at her booth buying brownie, oreo cheesecake (yum!) and cookies lol.
it was crazy, sherlene tieh brought in uncle ringo and pirate ships. i was like O.o!!!! hahaha. too bad it didnt smash the wall like shuuy predicted :P

hahaa. quite a gd day overall :) thank God! hahaha.

sometimes after things sink all the way to the bottom, you should just leave the wreckage there, resurface and move on. ive achieved what ive set, so i guess. its time to let go and walk away :)